


Somebody To You

by honeybakedgrace



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 3rd years, Canon Universe, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Kinda, M/M, Mutual Pining, OCs for filler characters - Freeform, Slow Burn, dumb dorks in love aka the kogagoshi we all deserve
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:34:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22795633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeybakedgrace/pseuds/honeybakedgrace
Summary: Tsutomu scoffs, if it were him who had a crush, he wouldn’t be so flustered and blushy. He would just tell them....Or Koganegawa enlists himself to help Goshiki avoid an embarrassing day being without a date to his sister’s wedding.
Relationships: Goshiki Tsutomu/Koganegawa Kanji
Comments: 32
Kudos: 102





	1. Prologue

>>> From: Goshi Goshi

5:40pm: HNGJDSANMKDFJAS

<<< From: Koga

5:40pm: ?????

>>> From: Goshi Goshi

5:46pm: JSFAFJGJKFASDA

5:48pm: I’ve made a big mistake...

<<< From: Koga

5:49pm: What happened??!!??

>>> From: Goshi Goshi

5:52pm: I don’t wanna talk about it... but its no big deal.

<<< From: Koga

5:54pm: If it’s no big deal, then just tell me :(((

>>> From: Goshi Goshi

6:02pm: It’s... complicated. Its too much to explain over the phone. 

<<< From: Koga

6:03pm: We can talk about it at the training camp? Assuming it can wait that long???

>>> From: Goshi Goshi

6:30pm: ...okay fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This my first posted work on ao3 (be gentle plz). This is dedicated to my Haikyuu group chat, we really are the biggest kogagoshi stans. Hope you all enjoy the kogagoshi fake dating as we all deserve. :)))
> 
> -Grace


	2. Just Say That You Don’t Know Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goshiki spills, Kogane is feeling courageous... or dumb... both.

The blistering June heat is unforgiving in Sendai. Goshiki uses the sweat slick back of his hand to try and wipe away the puddle of perspiration forming across his forehead and cheeks to no avail. He absentmindedly pats his hand dry on his shorts, zeroing in on the court before him. The stand in referee for the practice match blows firmly on the whistle. While normally this would send a hush across the crowd, which was admittedly one of the pleasures of having a serve like his, today the world didn’t stop turning for him. How disappointing. 

The other teams gathered in the gym chatter idly off to the side. In his peripherals he sees the pack of 3rd years from Karasuno bickering and jeering with each other, and as always, a certain pair awkwardly fawning all over one another. 

Tsutomu scoffs, if it were him who had a crush, he wouldn’t be so flustered and blushy. He would just tell them. Anyone would be so lucky to receive such a confession; he has a lot going for him, and he knows it. 

He smirks, confidence radiating off him in waves, as he takes a long running jump, tossing the ball up, up and into the air. With a satisfying and resounding _smack_ the ball is sent soaring over the net and, his aim as precise as ever, right into the back corner of the opposing teams court. 

But Dateko isn’t naive to who they are dealing with, and it certainly isn’t the first of Goshiki’s serves that they’ve had to receive. 

Certain of his service ace, Goshiki looks up from his reddened palm with a smug grin, but as quickly as his confidence has blossomed, it is snuffed out like a light. Sakunami is under it in an instant, sending the ball sailing to their giant of a setter, Kanji Koganegawa. 

He is intensely focused on the ball, maybe too intensely, Tsutomu thinks. He always thought that Kogane could stand to relax, which was surprising considered just how lackadaisical he was about everything else. He can see his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth as he lofts the ball up and behind. For such a large stature he’s astonishingly delicate. He may not seem it to the blind eye but he is far more calculated than anyone gives him credit. 

One of the Dateko wings flies up to meet Kanji’s tall order, slamming the ball down on the other side of the court up and over the Shiratorizawa blockers. 

“Yes!” Kogane holds up both his hands to his spiker, who excitedly meets his hands in a high five. “Nice kill, Kurihara!” The 1st year turns bright red at the earnest praise from his captain. Goshiki knows that feeling all too well. 

Being the Shiratorizawa captain has its perks, but if anyone asked him, the best thing is being loved and praised as the leader and ace he always dreamed he would be. So he likes a little attention, sue him. 

It’s Dateko’s ball now, and Goshiki can’t help but feel a little disappointed that he doesn’t get to show off his killer serve any longer. He shakes off the lost point and slaps the 2nd year Libero, Kanemoto on the shoulder, throwing him a winning smile. 

“Let’s take this game back, eh?”

…

The game is a power struggle until the very last second. Each set they go point for point with one another. Dateko squeaks out a win in the first set, and Shiratorizawa takes the second. For the 3rd they go 34-36, left sweating and wheezing on the court. They manage to draw the attention of the entire gym, the other teams holding onto every last moment and when Goshiki winds up at the peak of his leap, feeling that weightless dip in his stomach, everyone holds their breath. It is this moment that he loves the most. The pressure got to everyone else, seeded doubt and expectation, but he knew this was his moment. With all his strength he smacks the ball, following a sickeningly straight path along the edge of the court, his specialty. A player dives to dig it, but the ball thumps into the waxed wooden court with a booming impact, flying off behind them. 

He squeezes his sore and bright red hand into a fist, shoving both his hands into the air with a triumphant shout. 

“Yes!” He hugs and pats the backs of his teammates, who are just as worn out from the match. Once he’s through the formalities, he can’t help but glance across the net to Kogane, standing amidst a the sea of his own teammates, looking back at him. When they lock eyes he smiles widely, giving him an enthusiastic thumbs up. 

“Good game, captain!” He yells. The black-haired captain turns pink at the cheeks and nose. All the attention in the world never seemed to prepare him for Kanji’s praise. Coming from someone so honest and enthusiastic it always felt too genuine. For some reason he couldn’t overcome, his approval was something that Goshiki felt like he should be seeking out, not being supplied for free. He manages a soft smile back, which Kogane seems to accept, as he turns back to his team. Goshiki lets out a soft sigh, something he can’t quite explain tugging on his heart. Must be that post-game feeling, he thinks, shaking his head. 

…

“Goshi!” He hears the cheerful call of the Dateko captain from behind. Kogane’s head bobs through the crowd of teenage boys, talking loudly with mouths full of rice. He dashes over to the dark-haired boy, holding two of his own onigiri in his hands. Breathless, he holds one right in front of Goshiki’s face ceremoniously. Goshiki takes it timidly, gently taking a small bite as Kogane devours his. 

“It’s salmon!” He declares through a mouthful of rice, “you favorite right?” He nods and takes another bite. Sure enough, the onigiri is salmon, his very favorite. He swallows his bite quickly before producing a small smile.

“Thanks Kogane.” 

The two of them plop down in a small grass patch under a looming oak tree just outside the radius of the barbecue, close enough to just barely brush shoulders. It was nice to sit in the shade after such a grueling match to end the training camp. 

“How are things looking for Interhigh?” Goshiki asks, taking another small bite from his rice ball. Kogane shrugs.

“You tell me, Goshi,” he looks on on his team with a small frown, “How was it playing against us?” It took the Shiratorizawa captain by surprise to hear doubt pricking Koganegawa’s words, usually he was optimistic to a fault. He was unsure whether or feel nervous that he of all people was holding doubt, or grateful that Kogane was sharing it with him. The latter thought came and went quickly as he shoved it from his mind.

“You guys are as irritating as ever,” he points out honestly.

“Are we Nationals level irritating, though?” He tears his gaze away from the barbecue and locks eyes with Goshiki, worry furrowing his brow. Goshiki can’t help but laugh, he lets out a small chuckle as he slaps his hand gently onto Kogane’s shoulder. 

“You don’t need to worry about that Kogane,” he flashes his infamous shit-eating grin, the grin only someone as self-assured as him could pull off, “we’ll be going to Nationals anyways.” Kogane’s frown lifts in place of an indignant smirk. 

“You can certainly try, Goshi!” He declares loudly, laughing. He sobers soon after, the same frown returning. “Really though, its been a long time since Dateko’s been to Nationals, I want to give something back to them, for everything they’ve given to me.” He casts his gaze to the ground, deep in thought. 

“Not going to Nationals won’t invalidate the 3 years you’ve spent there.” He says, quietly. It was unlike Goshiki to be comforting, but when it came to Koganegawa he was willing to go against his own intuitions, even if only for a moment. “Besides there’s still Spring, not that we won’t kick your ass then too.” He notes. Kogane just nods, cracking a small smile.

“Yeah, thanks Goshi.” The uncertainty still bubbles up inside him but he decides to ignore it, for now. A memory crosses his mind, and he sees the golden opportunity to change the subject. 

“Hey, do you remember when you texted me the other night saying you made a big mistake?” Goshiki looked up at him with an expression of disbelief. Kogane had the strange and irritating talent of recalling any small specific detail of things you’d much rather forget. “And I asked what it was, and you said it’d be easier to explain in person.”

“No, can’t say I do.” He plays it off, reaching a hand up to scratch the back of his head. 

“I can pull it up! I remember cause you seemed really upset, but you didn’t wanna talk about it. Which isn’t out of the ordinary but then you said it wasn’t a big deal and I said that if it wasn’t a big deal then you could definitely tell me and you said it was hard to explain-”

“Shut up, Kogane!” He growls. Of course he remembered, how could he forget. It had been on his mind all weekend. “Its about my sister’s wedding.” He huffs, bringing his knees up to his chest. 

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” he keeps his eyes fixed on the barbecue below, not wanting to look anyone in the eye as he recounted the story. “Well, my parents, my mom actually has an irritating habit of asking me when I’m going to bring a date home to meet the family… Ever since I was little she would always ask if I had met any pretty girls or was seeing anyone.” He frowns, deepening the crease in his forehead that seemed to sick permanently when he was thinking hard. “I thought that coming out to my parents would mean they would stop asking me to bring home a girl. And it did,” he wrinkles his nose as he rests his chin on his knees, “but now they just ask me to bring a guy home.”

“Isn’t that what anyone would want though, at least they’re supportive...” Kogane trails off.

“Ah shit, Koga, I’m sorry I...tch.” He chides himself. 

“No it’s okay, I’m sorry.” He sheepishly brings his knees to his chest. “This isn’t about me.” The two share a moment of complete silence, the awkward tension hanging in the air. “Anyways, about your parents?” 

“Oh yeah, right. My sister’s wedding is in 3 weeks, and they expect me to bring my boyfriend.”

“You have a boyfriend?” The Dateko captain blurts out, almost accusatory in tone.

“No,” Koganegawa deflates, relaxing back into his hunched position, “I told them I had gone on a couple of dates with a guy so that they would stop asking me. But when my mom asked how it was going and I said it was fine she told me it that it would was due time for him to meet my family, specifically, at my sisters wedding.” He buries his head into his arms. 

“If I tell them we broke up they’ll spend the next 3 weeks trying to set me up with other guys, or pitying me, ugh.” He scoffs. “But if I don’t bring him my mom will be upset with me, and she might assume I’m hiding something from her and that brings on a whole host of other issues.” He huffs, scowling.

“I’ll be your date.” Koganegawa says too casually. 

“What?” Goshiki’s face twists in confusion. “Why the hell would you-“

“Easy,” he tucks his legs under himself and sits up to face the dark-haired boy, “your parents have met me, but they don’t know that much about me, and I don’t live nearby which would explain why I never really came to your house. I come for one night, and then afterwards you tell your mom we broke up and that’s that, no fuss.”

“No fuss?” He narrows his eyes at Kogane. “Are you kidding me? What about your parents? Won’t they be opposed to their son going on a gay date?”

“They don’t know you’re gay.” He shrugs. “Plus it’s parent supervised, so they won’t suspect anything.”

“Then what’s in it for you?” He asks accusingly, scowling. 

“For me...” he echoes. 

_Getting to see the guy I’ve been crushing over for 3 years in a tailored suit, being his boyfriend, holding his hand, slow dancing, having relatives ask about their relationship, shaking hands with his father and hugging his mother_... it was strange but Kanji wanted it all. He wanted the full experience of being with Goshiki, he wanted the picket fence and all. 

Instead he just shrugs his shoulders.

“Free food, hang out with a friend I already don’t get to see enough,” he softy jabs him in the side with his elbow. 

Goshiki considers it, and hates that he actually considers. He hates himself even more when the word leaves his lips.

“Fine.” 

…

They decided to work out details of their arrangement over text message later that night, as their teams were getting restless without their captains. 

Goshiki isn’t even sure why he agreed to it, but when Kogane asked with his big dumb smile, making it seem like the easiest thing in the world, he could only think to say yes. He gets home that night, flopping down on his bed completely exhausted and ready to forget the day that felt like it lasted for 10 years. But the universe is not so kind. 

A gentle rap on his door pierces the silence in his room. He grunts in response. 

“Come in.” He mumbles. Not bothering to look who was entering. 

“How was camp Tsutomu?” His mother asks, coming to sit on the edge of his bed. 

“Exhausting.” He states, keeping his eyes closed. She hums in response. She pauses, and Goshiki can feel her hesitancy.

“So, about your date,” he groans internally, “you sister is getting the name cards for the place settings ordered, and I was wondering what I should tell her to put down?” 

His mind does somersaults. It isn’t too late to back out, to tell his mom about his imaginary breakup, to tell her anything else. But even as he willed himself to confess the truth, what came out was:

“Kanji Koganegawa.” Dammit, who and what has been controlling his mouth today? Cause it certainly isn’t his brain that’s for damn sure. 

“Kanji Koganegawa...” he sits up, opening his eyes at last to see his mother in the process of remembering his giant blonde friend. “That’s that tall boy, the setter… from Dateko right? I’ve heard you talking about him, and we met at last year’s tournament!” She snaps her fingers when the memories come flooding back. “I didn’t know he was gay?”

“Lots of people are gay mom.” He groans, grabbing a pillow off his bed and shoving his face into it. 

“Well he seems like a nice boy! Very handsome and tall.” She gushes. He can feel the tips of his ears burning bright red. He decides it would have just been less embarrassing to tell her he made a boyfriend up, but the damage is done. He finally looks up to meet his mothers expecting gaze. 

“Thanks, mom.” He grumbles. She smiles cheerfully, and reaches into her back pocket to pull out her phone. She flips the case open and pulls out a credit card. 

“You and him both need tuxes so take him out sometime get them, ones that fit nicely.” She reminds him. He reluctantly takes the card and sighs. 

“Yeah of course, thanks again.” She nods and leaves the room, stopping one last time to look at her blushing son. 

Must be love, she thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This should be interesting... ;)
> 
> The title and chapter titles are based off songs by the Griswolds from their ep ALL MY FRIENDS, cause its basically all I listened to when writing this sjdjjsjf. Check it out its a great collection (my fav is ALIENS). 
> 
> -Grace


	3. A Hole In My Lung, A Twist In My Tongue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are feeling some type of way... and tuxedo shopping!

The pair agreed to meet the next weekend in Sendai to go tuxedo shopping. As strange as the whole experience was, Koganegawa was surprisingly relaxed about it. To Goshiki’s surprise, he wasn’t even acting like his normal overzealous self, he was more relaxed and… weird. When they talked on the phone as they usually do, Thursday nights when the pro games were playing on the TV, he wasn’t nearly as boisterous as usual, and it freaked the Goshiki out. 

“You’re being weird.” Goshiki thinks out loud, interrupting Koganegawa’s muted response to the set-taking point. 

“You’re being weird!” He accuses. “And I’m acting fine, as I was saying-”

“No you’re definitely being weird.” He decides, furrowing his own brow in deep thought. “You’re… quiet. Its creeping me out, seriously.”

“It’s because uh… my parents have people over.” He says lamely. 

“Do you think I’m a dumbass?” 

“What, no?” The dark-haired boy scoffs.

“You’ve been weird ever since I agreed to your dumb idea, I knew this was a mistake.” He grumbles. 

“No!” Kogane groans, and Goshiki can hear the audible smack of his hand to his forehead. “It’s not like that.” 

“Then what the fuck is it like? I don’t want things to be all weird now.” 

“I just, ugh!” The frustration is palpable through the phone, continuing to sour Goshi’s mood. 

_What could possibly be so hard to explain? Either its because of their fake relationship or it wasn’t, so what’s the hold up_? He scowls at the TV, the status of the game lost in the swirling thoughts of his brain. 

“It’s nothing Goshi, I-I have to go.” He declares with a sharp exhale of breath. 

“What?”

“Goodnight.”

“Don’t hang up one me!” He shouts into the phone, but its lost to Koganegawa as the resounding beep of an ended call rings in his ears. “What the fuck is happening?” He groans, flopping back on his bed, the sounds of the game dulled out by his own rambling thoughts. 

His phone beeps once at his side, and glumly picks it up. 

<<< From: Koga

Sorry, just have a lot on my mind… 

He sets it back down, and as if on cue it beeps once more.

<<< From: Koga 

See you Saturday though, Goshi!!!! You better not leave me looking sexy in a suit all alone!!!

He chuckles at the message. This is more like it. Even though it reassures him that Kogane isn’t lost, his strange mood still sticks in Goshiki’s brain. 

He groans at the state of his life in a mere 5 days. Why did he even bring up the wedding or his fake boyfriend? What on Earth possessed him to confess such a stupid, embarrassing truth? He could have just made something up, anything!

“Ugh!” He smacks his head back onto the bed with force for good measure, then clicks the TV off. He crawls into his bedding, burying his reddening face into mountain of pillows. 

Why can’t he keep his cool around Koganegawa?

…

Kogane presses send on the final text, and places it face down on his bedside table. He sprawls out face down on his bed, wishing he could crawl under a rock and die. He knows his cheeks and ears are brightly flushed with red. His heart still racing from the call, he inhales deeply, trying to still his wild heartbeat.

He knew offering to be Goshiki’s stand-in imaginary boyfriend was a recipe for disaster, but he couldn’t stop the words once they’d already left his mouth. All he longed for was to actually be his boyfriend. All while the game was playing in the background, the only thing he could imagine was that if they were actually boyfriends, he would be at his house. They’d cuddle up in his bed together, tangled in each other’s arms, talking like they do. In this universe he could bury his head into Goshi’s sleek black hair. He could tilt his chin back and sweetly kiss his forehead… 

His entire face grew hot at the thought of it all. He groans at the fantasy. In wanting his dreams to come true he has settled for a weird nightmare where he gets to play his boyfriend for only day, without any of the things that he dreamt about at all. No kissing and cuddling on Thursday nights, no holding hands under the cherry blossoms… It was such a tease. He punches into the bed, and suddenly, his phone buzzes loudly on his wooden side table. He scrambles to grab it, all the while thinking about what a pathetically in-love loser he is. 

<<< From: Goshi Goshi

I will be sexy in my suit… you will also be there. 

He sighs at the response. At least Goshiki isn’t acting like anything had changed. The last thing he wanted was for this nightmare induced by his stupid dumb lovesick brain cell to ruin their friendship. He flops onto his back and starts punching the air furiously.  
_Why does love have to be so goddamn hard_?

“Ugh!” He falls back, eyes wide open. “I guess I’m not sleeping anytime soon.” 

…

Little did he know, he wouldn’t be sleeping for the next night either. The anticipation of meeting with the Shiratorizawa captain sent butterflies alight in his stomach, but it wasn’t the same as before. Sure, he’d had the world’s biggest gay crush on Goshiki since they were 1st years at Shiratorizawa’s rookie training camp, but those butterflies were manageable. He could get through a week long training camp with those jitters, but now they were stronger. It sent his stomach into somersaults to even think about him, like whenever he had a simple, mundane stray thought about Goshiki it sent his entire mind and body into a spiral. 

He would glaze over in his classes and completely zone out when any of his friends were talking. It was like a giant cloud blocking out everything around him. It isn’t until he sees the dark-haired boy walking towards him, a scowl across his face, that the cloud seems to lift. 

“Goshi Goshi!” He calls out, standing on tiptoe to wave rapidly, even though he is the only one on the street. Goshiki gives back a small wave, not lifting his arm up to do so.

“Hey Kogane.” He stuffs his hand firmly back into his pants pocket. His Shiratorizawa track jacket hangs loosely from his lean frame, zipped only a quarter of the way up. Truthfully he had woken up late. Normally he’d wear something nicer to such a high brow tuxedo parlor but in the last 2 nights he’d barely slept. Something kept him tossing back and forth, never able to still his beating heart, strangely. He yawns silently into his shoulder, turning away from Koganegawa to do so. 

“Have you ever been to the place we’re going before?” He asks excitedly, falling into step with Goshiki, just close enough to brush shoulders. 

“ _Tch_ , no when would I have gone to a tuxedo parlor?” He inquires with narrowed eyes. 

“Whenever the last time you needed a tuxedo was?” He offers. “I’m surprised you don’t own one already. You seem like you would have a million different things in your closet, something for every occasion.” He muses. Goshiki scoffs, but grins to himself. A fashion icon, eh? 

“Whatever,” he grumbles. “The shop is this way.” He points a finger up to a small but modern looking shop with a black exterior, the name scrawled in big white script across the front. Koganegawa reaches out to open the door before Goshiki can, his damn giant reach. He holds the door open and Goshiki shuffles in. 

A cool, dry wash of air flows over the both of them. Not uncomfortably chilled, but cool enough to bring a little relief from the very quickly warming day outside. The entire shop is decorated in blacks, whites, and golds. The walls are lined with hanging racks of dress clothes. The sales floor have purposefully scattered displays, and off in the back corner is a well-furnished dressing area. Professional looking men in sharp suits peruse the salon, stalked closely by more professional looking men in sharp suits. It’s difficult to tell who is the salesman and who is the client. Goshiki self-consciously zips his jacket up to his chest, covering his favorite plain black t-shirt, which suddenly feels too plain for a place like this. He glances at Kogane in his peripherals, but from what he can tell he seems entirely unbothered, looking around the shop with wide, curious eyes. He holds his typical expression whenever he goes anywhere new, that hints he has a thousand words on the tip of his tongue, he’s just trying to figure out which ones to say first. 

“Pardon me,” Goshiki turns his attention to the small mahogany podium at the entrance, where now stands a tall, slender man with long black hair slicked back into tight ponytail, “how may we serve you two gentlemen today?” He queries, a practiced smile tight on his lips. 

“We need tuxedos,” Goshiki states, “we have an appointment as well.” 

“Under what name?”

“Goshiki.” 

“Ah,” he taps the tablet in front of him triumphantly, “found it, for a Mr. Tsutomu and a Mr. Kanji, no?” Goshiki pouts his lip in irritation at the use of first name but nods. “Excellent, well my name is Okino Madoka, if you wish to try on one of our suits or need assistance making a selection I’ll be close by.” _I’m sure you will be_. 

“Thanks!” Koganegawa final says, grinning widely. Goshiki starts off into the store, quickly trailed by his giant friend. He wanders with purpose, heading in an unknown direction so confidently Kogane actually believes he knows where he’s going. 

“I thought you’d never been here before?” He points out, leaning down to whisper it loudly into Goshiki’s ear. He flinches at this, craning his neck to the side and looking up at him, a deep set crease in his brow. 

“I haven’t.” He hisses. 

“You seem to know where you’re going.” Goshiki glares daggers at him, but glances at the ground when he admits:

“I don’t, just don’t want that creep following us.” He mumbles. 

“The creep who knows where the tuxedos are?” He looks up, too obviously, at the salesman, standing with a few racks of distance between them.

“Hmph.” He huffs, poking out from behind Kogane’s stocky frame. He waves a small hand to the man, pretending not to be watching. He mouths a small ‘oh?’ at the signal and scurries over. Before he can say a word Goshiki interrupts:

“We need tuxedos, for a black tie wedding.” He declares, puffing out his chest a little. The man nods tightly, sensing Goshiki’s tense mood of urgency. 

“Right this way.” He leads them to a corner of the store lined top to bottom with black tuxedos. He carefully and deliberately selects 3 suits for each boy, all of which look exactly the same to the captains. “These should do nicely.” He assures them. He swiftly leads them to the dressing area, pulling back two curtains next to one another and placing the suits inside. “If you need anything else, just call.” They both nod, Kogane much more enthusiastically. 

They both disappear into their dressing rooms. The dark-haired boy inspects his choices more closely. Upon closer examination he recognizes the subtle differences. One has a shorter coat, one has a wider lapel, the other has a slightly higher hemline. It doesn’t mean so much to him, so he simply puts one on. It looks… like a suit, he thinks. He tries the next, and surprisingly the shorter coat is more noticeable on his body. With the third, the higher hem has an appeal, but he’s unsure. He debates asking Koganegawa, but hesitates. 

“Goshi,” he hears the harsh whisper interrupt his thoughts from the next stall over. 

“What?” 

“Can you help me?” 

“Uh with what?” With that, his curtain whips open and closed as Koganegawa slips inside. “Hey!” He cries out indignantly. “What if I had been naked?”

“Are you supposed to take off your underwear when you try on suits?” Kogane scrunches his nose. “Besides its just underwear, don’t be so modest Goshi.” Goshiki turns pink at the tip of his nose at the comment, and little pinker at Koganegawa standing before him in his suit, shirt entirely unbuttoned to reveal his muscular chest. He realized in that moment he’d never seen Koganegawa entirely shirtless. 

“W-why isn’t your shirt buttoned?” He says reflexively, staring at his open chest. Kogane, unfazed holds up his hands. 

“Rough practice yesterday so I had to tape my fingers up, and I can’t get these stupid buttons done!” He explains, brow furrowed at the thought of it. 

“So?” Kogane walks up to Goshiki expectantly. 

“Well will you button them or not?”

“Not.” He seethes. “Why do you need them buttoned anyways?” He pouts. 

“I wanna know if it fits yanno? I don’t wanna be shirtless at your sisters wedding that would be wild.” He chuckles at the thought of it, then looks at the Shiratorizawa captain with pleading eyes. “Come on, just a few buttons, so I can make sure it fits?” 

“Fine.” He grumbles. He begins methodically working at his buttons from the bottom up. At this point the small room grows silent, nothing but the sound of their own gentle breathing around them. Kogane realizes at this moment he should have just bought an ill-fitting shirt. As Goshiki does each button, his fingers gently brush his abdomen, feather-light to the touch. He can feel his slightly warm breath tickling his chest, and his head is right under his own, so close he can nearly smell his shampoo. 

Goshiki tries not to notice when he brushes against Kogane’s muscular abdomen or how he’s basically sweating from the shared body heat in this increasingly tiny room. He does the buttons as quickly as his fingers can, trying so desperately to finish so he can take a step back. He gets to the last button and as the button slips into the notch he makes the fateful mistake of glancing up to see Kogane looking back down at him with an expression he’d never seen directed at a person before. That expression that hints he has a thousand words on the tip of his tongue, he’s just trying to figure out which ones to say first. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He blurts out, still holding onto that last button. 

“A-are you done?” Kogane manages, looking down at his hand still gripped to his shirt. Goshiki immediately lets go, taking a large step backwards. The blonde shakes his head, and turns to the mirror. The shirt fits like a glove, not tugging any buttons, but not gapping in any places either. He smiles. In the mirror he sees Goshiki looking at the ground, but in the dim light of the changing room he can’t see the red blush flooding the dark-haired boy’s cheeks. 

“Well its perfect!” He concludes. “I think this is the one, you find yours?” Goshiki nods. 

“Yeah I like the short jacket.” Koganegawa gives him an enthusiastic thumbs up. 

“Okay! I’ll go get changed.” He slips out and into his own dressing room. Once inside he flops down onto the little ottoman in the corner, dizzy. Koganegawa was a much better actor than anyone gave him credit for, that’s for damn sure. 

…

With his mother’s credit card, Goshiki purchases their tuxedos. The salesman hands them the neatly folded suits inside two individual stiff black shopping bags with a gentle smile. 

“Enjoy the occasion.” They step back out into the Sendai afternoon, the heat of the day finally passed. With surprising timing, his phone begins to buzz in his pocket. He yanks it out and the contact name “Mom” is lit brightly. He thumbs the screens and presses the phone to his ear. 

“Hey, mom.” He answers, stuffing his free hand into his pocket. 

“How’s shopping?” She inquires expectantly. 

“We just finished.” He provides briefly. “Just have to drop him off at the train station then I’ll be home.” 

“Not so fast!” She declares. “I just got off the phone with Kanji’s mother-”

“You did _what_?” He nearly shouts into the phone.

“Relax, Tsutomu. I didn’t mention anything about the two of you, I remember what you told me, no mention of your relationship.” She reminds him. He releases a sigh of relief. “Anyways, she gave permission for Kanji to come join us for dinner! Isn’t that great?” A feeling of dread washes over his body, sending a shiver down his spine. All he could think of was sending Kogane off on a train where he could ignore that weird panicky feeling in his heart. 

“Yeah,” he gulps. “Sounds great mom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so quick cause I was feeling inspired, literally I am never this quick jfsahfj. Hope you all enjoy the mounting gay panic :) I also updated the background characters cause I changed my mind for an upcoming chapter, probably will change again sjssjd. 
> 
> -Grace


	4. Pretend That I'm The Only One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's dinner time, hopefully the new "couple" can survive the night in the Goshiki household.

The slowly setting sun crawls down towards the horizon, drenching the Sendai suburbs in pale pink. The pair walks a mere 6 inches apart, but instead of comfortable proximity, it takes all Goshiki has in him not to cross the street entirely. 

“This is a really nice area,” Kogane says, still in high spirits. His complete obliviousness is comforting in the thick, sticky tension suffocating Goshiki in broad daylight. “Oh! Look that house has a huge planter, are those irises? Those are my favorite…” his voice dulls to a gentle hum beneath the roar of thoughts pounding in the shorter boy’s head. 

Even though Koganegawa is totally fine, Goshiki can’t help but feel completely overwhelmed by his sudden loss of control. He learned earlier than most that the way he presented himself and the things he said were the best way he was able to manipulate the world around him. Sure, the world didn’t revolve around him, but for a split second in time, he could change his own reality. Maybe that’s why he was so damn hard on himself, especially now. 

Losing control is a new phenomenon for Tsutomu. The entirety of the last week has been a free fall from the sky. All he wants was to reach out and stop himself from splattering himself against the Earth below, but he’s all the way up in the atmosphere, alone. The only thing he can think about is the feeling of his knuckles gently pressing into Kogane’s muscular torso. The memory feels like his hair whipping around in his face, unable to open his eyes against the unbearable winds of terminal velocity. 

His own body is betraying him. Each wayward glance, every modest brush of bare skin, and the faintest balmy breath makes his heart leap. His hands go clammy at the bump of a shoulder. No matter what he wills himself to do, his body is functioning on a different set of instructions. Someone has rewired all his outlets, and now he is stuck wondering why and how he can’t even look at Koganegawa without that twisting feeling in his stomach. Kogane’s rambling is only partially drowned out by the sheer volume of Goshiki’s own inter-monologue. 

“Goshi? Goooshi?” He hears the sing-song but off-tune call of his name and he snaps back to reality, where Koganegawa leans down to look him right in the eyes, nose scrunched in concern. “Are you okay?” Goshiki pushes past him with his head hanging low. 

“I’m fine.” He grumbles. “You were saying?” He asks loudly, not bothering to turn back. Kogane jogs up to match his pace again.

“Do you think if I bought a planter box I could grow flowers in it?” 

“Have you ever taken care of a plant before?” 

“I had a cactus once.” He admits. 

“ _Had_?” He narrows his eyes, Koganegawa turning pink on the tip of his nose. 

“Okay, no flower box.” Upon seeing Koganegawa a little deflated, Goshiki backpedals. 

“You can if you want to,” he says sheepishly, “I just want to make sure you’re not calling me upset when you kill them.” 

“I wouldn’t do that.”

“You would and you will.” He corrects, scrunching his nose up in irritation. Koganegawa pouts at the answer, but not for long as the next idle happenstance easily catches his attention. Goshiki slightly envies his sense of wonder about the world as he watches his face light up talking about the color spread of the sunset. 

“It’s just a sunset.” Kogane stops short in his train of thought, turning to Goshiki with a questioning look. “There’s one every day, what’s so special?” 

“Yeah but there’s only _this_ one.” Goshiki stops walking, a deep frown furrowing his brow. 

“No, the sun sets every day.”

“But! It only sets once _today_.” Goshiki shakes his head and continues on the path home. 

“Whatever.” He scoffs. The sound of running footfalls catch up to him and the taller boy barely bumps his shoulder as he comes to a slow pace next to him. 

“You don’t understand.”

“ _Clearly_.” 

“I mean that there will be one tomorrow but it won’t be _this_ sunset.” An elbow softly jabs into Goshiki’s side. “I won’t be watching it with you.” The dark-haired captain feels the magnetic gaze, pulling his eyes up to meet the other’s. When they do, Kogane just smiles, so genuine. A twisting stomach keeps him from being able to open his mouth to form a response, so he wordlessly trains his gaze back onto the sunset. 

…

They arrive at the footsteps of the Goshiki home just before the sun slips beneath the horizon, letting out a final burst of fuchsia-colored light over the neighborhood. The dark-haired boy swings open the front door unceremoniously, silently slipping off his shoes. Kogane follows suit, slightly hurried in doing so. He manages not to trip and fall while taking off his shoes, which is a success in Goshiki’s eyes already. Hopefully, his relatively above-average level of composure will bode well for the evening. 

_One dinner, one small quick dinner and then he can catch the last train home and I can finally, finally get some peace and quiet_ , he thinks wistfully. The familiar smell of the burning of their one good pan strikes Goshiki’s nose. He wrinkles it up at the smell, wondering why he just didn’t pick up takeout on the way home. 

“Mom?” he calls out, poking his head into the kitchen. His mother, Kimiko Goshiki, is bent over the stove, her dark curls tied back into a loose knot at the base of her neck. She’s young, Kogane notices. She glances up, her glasses precariously placed at the tip of her nose completely fogged over with steam. She pulls them off and hastily wipes them the edge of her shirt before returning them to her face. She smiles brightly. 

“Tsutomu! Welcome home,” she waves him in, Koganegawa following a bit behind. “You must be Kanji, yes?” He nods.

“Y-yes!” With an enthusiastic grin, he holds out his hand for her to shake. “Nice to see you again, Mrs. Goshiki.” She bypasses the hand entirely and brings him into a tight embrace. 

“It’s nice to finally get to meet you again.” She says into his bicep, which is about where she reaches compared to his tall frame. Once she pulls back she grabs him by both arms and examines him with narrowed, intelligent eyes. Up close Kogane can see the same sharp brown eyes and straight nose. Her features are nearly identical to Goshi’s features, but she uses them for entirely different expressions. 

“So handsome,” She murmurs to Goshiki, which causes a crimson blush across his cheeks. “How did the shopping go?” They simultaneously hold up their bags without a word, both too embarrassed to utter a word. “Oh! How about you try them on for me and I’ll finish up cooking dinner?” She offers. On cue, the burning smell intensifies from the stovetop, accompanied by a sickening sizzling, popping sound. She dares to glance over, a look of terror on her face. Goshiki rushes to the stove and removes the violently sizzling pan, tossing the contents into the sink and turning off the stove. 

“How about I finish up dinner.” He states more like a decision than as a question. She nods sheepishly. 

“Maybe that would be best.” Though it is out of necessity, a pang of relief flashes through him as he rinses the dish clean. He doesn’t think he could stand having to button Koganegawa’s shirt once more. “I’ll go get the towels, Kanji would you help me fold them?” He nods with a full-face smile. 

“Yes! I’d love to!” She rushes quickly out of the kitchen, leaving the two boys standing awkwardly at different ends of the kitchen. Kogane opens his mouth but is stopped cold by Goshiki interrupting him. 

“It’s just me and my mom.” He declares calmly, quietly. 

“Okay.” The simple word is genuine coming from him, acceptance without question. 

“Okay.” He echoes, not looking up from his scrubbing. 

“What are you making for dinner?” Kogane asks curiously, now peering eagerly over his shoulder at the ingredients displayed on the counter. 

“I think she was trying to make pork cutlets.” He muses. “It wasn’t so bad this time, she just put way too much oil in the pan, and water? For some reason, I’m not sure.”

“I can’t criticize, I’m not much better.” The tall blonde admits with a chuckle. Kogane resists the growing urge to rest his chin on Goshiki’s shoulder, to wrap his arms around his waist and just hold him there. The fantasy is cut short by a cheerful voice.

“Okay! Towels are ready.” She plops them down onto the kitchen table with a small huff. Koganegawa sits down in a chair opposite of her, and follows her careful instructions. The pair of them talk easily, once they’ve gained a rhythm. She asks about school and volleyball, the latter of which Koganegawa could talk about for hours on end (Goshiki would know). 

Goshiki cooks quietly to himself, methodically following the recipe he has long since memorized. Although this is the perfect opportunity for him to mentally check out and go blank, he is unsettlingly aware. He holds onto every last word of their conversation, sometimes even fumbling around with his cooking to do so. He doesn’t seem to realize that rather than listening for cues that Koganegawa is hinting that their relationship is fake, he’s more concerned he may say something to hint that it’s real. He picks up bits and pieces over the much less aggressive frying of the pork cutlets, but most of it seems to be surface level: how did you meet, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda. He supposes he should have expected that much with this being their first, and unknowingly to her, last meeting. Especially with his mom who has never been one for the hard interrogation route. In the span of 45 minutes or so, Goshiki finishes cooking dinner and presents 3 plates at their modest dining room table. Thanks to his mom and Kogane it's nicely set and cleaned. She even garnished the setting with a small candle in the center of the table. 

The three of them eat in mostly silence, but the pair across from Goshiki seem to be completely unbothered by it. The Shiratorizawa captain feels the thickness of the silence, like the unsaid words are so palpable in the air between them he can taste it. As he watches them eat peacefully with a small scowl on his face he can’t help but wonder if all this strange angst in his stomach is completely self-induced. Maybe he really is the reason Kogane has been acting strange too.

Kimiko and Koganegawa watch with wide eyes as the dark-haired boy aggressively takes his dinner and shoves it into his mouth, chomping on it loudly. His eyes glance up quickly and then back down to his plate, but he stops moving and looks back up at the eyes staring intently at him. 

“What?” 

“Are you okay Tsutomu?” His mother asks carefully, the hint of concern peeking through her giggle. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He insists, forcing himself to very gently set down his chopsticks. “Just thinking about this morning’s practice, it was a little intense.” He excuses. 

“Really?” Koganegawa interjects, his interest piqued. “You didn’t mention anything, what happened?” Goshiki resists the urge to reflexively kick his shin from under the table and just sighs lightly.

“Oh, just a lot of conditioning... Lots of the first years were trying to slack off.” Both listeners nod knowingly and he internally breathes a sigh of relief. 

“The first years at Dateko like to cause trouble a lot too, Futakuchi told me to put them in their place by proving my superiority, but I’m not sure that’s the right way to go about it.” He considers this before taking another large bite of food. 

“Yeah.” Goshiki does the same and fills his mouth with a bite big enough to occupy him for at least a few seconds.

…

As the night winds down, the three of them turn on a movie at his mother’s behest. She selects her favorite gory, tropey zombie apocalypse movie for all of them to watch. Settled on the couch, she spaces herself a safe distance from the pair, subtle enough to slip Koganegawa’s attention, but not enough to pass by Goshiki’s. It’s warm on the couch since Koganegawa is basically a human space heater. 

At some point during the middle of all the tragedy on screen, Kogane leans over to whisper in Goshiki’s ear. 

“Do you think she’s buying it?” He asks, surprisingly quiet for him. Goshiki shrugs.

“I don’t know.” 

“Should we like,” he pauses, face twisting in an effort to say the words in a way that doesn’t alarm him, “ _convince_ her.” 

“What does that mean?” 

“I don’t know, we could… hold hands?” The smaller boy’s blood runs cold at the thought, but if he declines will Kogane think it’s because he doesn’t want to? But isn’t that he wants him to think?

“If you think it will help.” He manages without much coherent thought. Kogane sits back in his place. It doesn’t happen immediately. Slowly, Koganegawa brings his left hand up towards Goshiki’s right one, where it rests on his knee. In a swift motion, he slides his hand under Goshiki’s, who intertwines their fingers reflexively. He does notice his mother sneakily glance over and restrain a smile as she turns her attention back to the movie. 

The feeling is… nice. Goshiki remembers holding a girl’s hand in middle school, but her hand was so small and cold. His hand got all clammy and he remembers feeling claustrophobic being so closely tied to someone else. It wasn’t a sensation he was eager to recreate. Yet, this is… different. Koganegawa’s hand is big and warm. He has calluses at the base of his fingertips, and the hardened palms don’t make his hands sweat so much. He holds his hand firmly, but loosely. He doesn’t feel tied so much as he feels… protected? It’s a new sensation, and he decidedly doesn’t hate it. 

Koganegawa doesn’t complain when Goshiki doesn’t let his hand go for the rest of the movie, or when he rubs his thumb along the back of his hand methodically. As the movie comes to a close and his mother gets up to turn off the TV, Goshiki finally pulls his hand away, slipping it out of the embrace and standing up quickly. 

“I’d better drive you to the train station, huh?” Koganegawa nods slightly. 

“Oh, Tsutomu the last train has already left. Look at the time.” She points to the wall clock that reads well past midnight. He hadn’t realized it gotten so late, and suddenly all his fears resurfaced with the notion that this had become more than just one small dinner. “Don’t worry Kogane I’ll call your mother and tell her we will have you back in the morning!” The two make eye contact with unreadable expressions.

“Okay.” The tall blonde says quietly. “Thank you for having me over.”

…

Goshiki plops a bundle of a blanket and pillow onto the couch. Not exactly how he wants to spend the night, but it will do. 

“What are you doing out here?” His mother rubs her eyes at the end of the hallway, leaning against the wall. 

“Oh, I gave Koganegawa the bed.” 

“All alone?” She walks out to his side with her arms crossed. “Don’t be ridiculous Tsutomu, you have a perfectly fine bed in your room! Big enough for both of you.” She says with uncomfortably knowing smirk. 

“But mom-”

“Come on Tsutomu, I trust you okay? You’re both plenty old enough and you’ve certainly be dating long enough to share a bed for one night. No need to be embarrassed.” She pats him on the shoulder, shoving the blanket and pillow back into his arms. In a normal circumstance, any teenager, him included, would be thankful for his mother’s nontraditional parenting practices. Goshiki found himself wishing, praying, that for once in his life his mom could just be as strict as any of his friends. She ruffles his hair with a gentle smile.

“Now go to bed, it's late.” She orders, turning on a heel to retire herself. He grumpily takes the stack of bedding back to his room to find Koganegawa sitting on the edge of his bed. 

“I’m assuming you heard that?” Kogane goes deer in the headlights at the question, wondering if he should feign innocence like he hadn’t been hanging onto every word.

“Oh, what?” He says lamely. With a glare from Goshiki he gives. “Yeah, I head every word.” The dark-haired boy sets the blanket down on the bed with a huff. “I can just sleep on the floor?” 

“No, it’s fine.” _It’s fine_ , he repeats in his mind. “It’ll be fine, the bed is plenty big for both of us.” He insists, which prompts both of them to glance back at the seemingly shrinking bed. The longer they stare the smaller it seems. “It’ll be fine.” He repeats, a little less confident than before. 

_I hope_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ThErE's OnLy OnE bEd??? The next chap is going to be so extremely self-indulgent cause the "only one bed" trope is my favorite thing in the whole world. Its mostly written so I expect to have it finished and edited by Thursday at the earliest and Saturday at the latest. Thanks to everyone who's been reading, hope you all are enjoying:))
> 
> -Grace
> 
> Ps follow me on twitter hags @honeybakedyams


	5. Can't Let Go of the Same Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's only one bed??? My favorite trope, I could never leave it out of a slow burn.

Goshiki never thought his bed was small by any means. A full-sized bed was always plenty of room to roll around and stretch his long limbs. It wasn’t until tonight, squeezed into the wooden frame bed with Dateko’s giant of a setter, that he considered that his bed might be much smaller than he thought. 

When they were getting ready for bed Goshiki has scoured the house for any and all pillows he could find, amounting to 3 pillows not currently being used. He grabbed an extra blanket and stacked the pillows in a line down the bed, creating a pillow barrier between the two distinct sides. 

“Okay, Kogane you’re sleeping on the right.” When he looks up and realizes Kogane is distracted with his phone, he snaps his fingers loudly. “Hey!” The tall blonde’s eyes dart up and widen at the sudden call. Goshiki furiously points to the right side of the bed. 

“This is your side. Your side, as the left side is my side, as in stay on your side.” Kogane nods slowly. “Do you understand?” 

“So just sleep wherever?” Koganegawa chuckles at the blank glare Goshiki directs at him. “Kidding! Yeah okay, the right side, the right side.” He echoes. “When you sleep do you normally sleep on the left side?”

“What’s it matter?” With a shrug, Kogane flops down on the _right_ side of the bed. 

“Just wondering. Now that I think about it I always start in the middle but end up hanging off the end.” He muses. 

“Well if you don’t keep your titan limbs on your side of the bed you won’t have a bed at all.” Goshiki snaps, hastily flicking off the ceiling light and crawling under his covers. He lays on his side, turned away from the center of the bed. 

“Goshi,” Kogane whispers. “Goooshi.” He sighs softly when there is no response, a frown forming. A minute passes, before he hears a small and irritated voice.

“What Kogane?” 

“I can’t sleep.” With a furious and quick turn, Goshiki flips himself to his other side to face Koganegawa, brows furrowed tightly. 

“Why not?” He asks through gritted teeth. 

“I’ve never really slept away from home.” Goshiki rolls his eyes.

“Oh, what are you _scared_?” He sneers.

“ _No_ ,” Koganegawa pouts indignantly, “I’m just not used to it.” 

“Well get used to it.” Goshiki debates turning back over before he sees the worried look on Kogane’s face. “Nothings gonna happening to you here.” He points out. 

“It’s not that, I was just thinking.” 

“About what?” When Kogane leaves Goshiki in silence he sighs loudly. “You’re being weird again.” 

“I’m not being weird.”

“You’re being weird.” He repeats. “Normally I can’t get you to shut up, it creeps me out when you’re all quiet and pensive, so just spit it out.”

“This is weird.” The phrase echoes around in Goshiki’s head. Kogane looks at him with intensity, an intensity he can’t quite read. “I don’t know. I always guessed that when I spent the night over at my boyfriends, we’d be dating.” He pauses, regretting saying it immediately after the words leave his lips. 

“Sorry.” 

“I don’t regret this though.” 

“Oh.”

“It’s just not what I expected.” He admits. The two lay in silence for a moment longer. “Sorry, that was stupid-”

“No, it’s not.” Koganegawa looks back at Goshiki, the sharp planes of his face bouncing off rays of moonlight. “Now go to bed.” He reminds him with a hint of irritation in his voice. Both of them settle into the bed, a comfortable distance apart. It doesn’t take long for Koganegawa to doze off, the feeling of Goshiki’s assurance still warm in his chest. 

…

A trickle of sunlight warms Goshiki’s cheeks as he buries his face into his pillow. 

His pillow is a lot warmer than he remembers... and much more supportive. He presses his cheek deep into it, nuzzling around to settle himself back down. As he lays his cheek down, he can hear a distant pounding in his ear, almost like a heartbeat. The gears in his head begin to turn, and the realization clicks in a moment of blinding panic. His eyes fly open, glancing down at his new-found pillow in fear. Below him is Koganegawa’s gently heaving chest. 

He abruptly sits upright, clapping his now clammy hand over his mouth to keep a fearful scream from ripping out. Kogane snores gently, completely oblivious. 

_I can’t believe him I told him if he didn’t keep his stupid giant titan limbs on his own side I’d_ -

He looks down at the bed, only to see himself laying diagonally across the pillow shield he’d built. Kogane was entirely contained to his own side, arms folded up above his head. His eyes widen in horror as he realizes it wasn’t Koganegawa that crossed the imaginary and physical barrier he had so carefully constructed, but himself. He quickly tucks himself into a ball on his side of the bed, the heat from Koganegawa’s chest still blooming a pink flush across his face. 

Never in his life had he been such a poor bedmate. At training camps and sleepovers he never found himself wrapped around his teammates or friends like a goddamn koala bear. His own body had betrayed him again, and for what? What could possibly become of snuggling up to him? He won’t be here tomorrow night, he won’t hold him back. He won’t even be his stupid fake boyfriend in a week’s time. He didn’t want that from him… Koganegawa is a friend, what could he possibly gain from this? Weird awkward glances from across the net during the game because Goshiki couldn’t keep his traitor hands to himself? Maybe they would stop watching Thursday night games together, the awkward tension too great an obstacle? Maybe that was why Koganegawa had been acting so strangely? Goshiki’s stomach drops at the thought that he had been the source of the uncomfortable shift in his feet and the nervous tinge to his laugh. All his thoughts eventually drown out in the sound of Koganegawa’s gentle breathing. 

_Thank god, he was asleep_ , Goshiki thinks. His gentle snore lulls him back to sleep, and it’s a good thing that Koganegawa is a damn good actor.

...

Truth be told Koganegawa barely slept that night. He was already freaking out by the time Goshiki had crawled up to his chest. 

The digital clock flashed dull red numbers in his peripherals, signaling the leisurely passage of time. All he wanted was for the sun to come creeping into the room, but time seemed to be in no particular hurry. The minutes dragged on, the moon growing high in the sky just outside the window. Goshiki’s bed, under the only window in the cozy room, was illuminated under a blanket of moonlight, caught directly in its iridescent beam. He scanned the room around him from his perspective. The room itself was impeccably clean, but not stark. His desk was crammed into a corner, covered in various school-related things that he couldn’t make out in the dim light. His gaze settled on the bookshelf next to his bed, facing him directly. Each shelf was dedicated to a different collection of miscellaneous objects. The top was a shrine to his volleyball career, showcasing various trophies and a few team photos. It struck Kogane with surprise to see the photos, encased in clean silver frames. He never thought of Goshiki as a sentimental type, when it came to people at least. Next down was a neatly organized reading shelf, filled with titles Koganegawa didn’t recognize. The last shelf was the remainder of his book collection, and next to it was a final photo, one he recognized well. It was from last year’s Interhigh when he had first met Goshiki’s mother. They had only met for a minute or so, but she had forced them in front of her camera, saying something about her parental duty to have these memories immortalized into a photograph. 

The picture itself displayed Goshiki with arms crossed over his chest, looking at the camera with a childish frown and lip pouted. Koganegawa had his arm slung around his neck, grinning. His eyes were cast down to his dark-haired friend, and even now, Kogane wasn’t just looking at the picture, he was looking at him. 

The shift next to him wasn’t too noticeable at first, but after 10 seconds or so of constant tossing around he dared to glance away from the photograph, to see Goshiki’s long arm reaching out desperately. 

“Koga…” he mumbled, reaching out again. A third attempt and he made contact with Kogane’s chest. He pawed at him, shifting his entire body closer, completely laying right over his pillow fortress. He used his arm to wrap around Kogane’s torso to pull himself towards him. 

Koganegawa was in shock, wondering what kind of cruel dream his mind was replaying in his mind so vividly. But alas it continued until Goshiki was curled up to his side, head resting on his chest. He debated saying something. At first, he was convinced Goshiki was awake, but as he drunkenly clawed his way across the bed, it became pretty clear he was deeply asleep. He couldn’t hear anything else but the echo of him calling his name on a loop. He prayed his racing heart wouldn’t wake up him, and it didn’t. 

He didn’t dare move, at least for the first 10 minutes. His mind went fuzzy, instead of being filled with too many thoughts to even process, he was completely empty. It was a complete system shut down as he could only stare, open-mouthed, at Goshiki with arms gripping his torso and snoring softly into his chest.

After about 10 minutes he moved again, he tightened his grip on his t-shirt, balling it into a fist as he snuggled up further, pressing his body into Kogane’s. He could feel the entire curve of his body against his side, and for a second he thought he was going blind. He wanted so badly to bring his arms down from over his head and wrap them back around him, to pull him closer so that he could bury his head into his neck. But he wouldn’t, no _couldn’t_ , dare. If he woke up, then what? He didn’t want to imagine being kicked out of Goshiki’s house in the middle of the night. So, he stays put. Hours pass by, and he stays utterly still. Eventually, around 2 or 3 am, he can hardly keep his eyes open. The warmth from Goshiki’s body on his own is so comforting, and he’s barely slept in days. His eyes grow too heavy to hold up, and so he dozes off, fitfully at first, but then falls into a deep sleep. He hasn’t slept this well in a long time. 

…

It’s around 7 am when Goshiki stirs, and Kogane notices instantly. He wills himself to stay still as he jumps up and back to his own side of the bed. He can’t help but notice how chilled he is now, like the side of his body is naked without Goshiki attached to it. He waits another 30 or so minutes before stirring on his own. He sits up in the bed, pressing his back up against the headboard, rubbing his eyes dramatically. 

“Goshi,” he whispers. To his surprise, the Shiratorizawa captain actually glances up at him from his laying position, still frowning slightly. “Good morning,” he still whispers it, but with a small smile. Goshiki says nothing and turns back on his side. 

“Morning.” He grunts. Goshiki hastily gets to his feet, his t-shirt catching and revealing a half meter of the bare skin of his abdomen. He wordlessly crosses the room to his bathroom, shutting the door firmly. Kogane can hear the thrum of the shower as he snuggles back down into the bed, the covers still warm.   
…

Breakfast goes over well, Kimiko arrives back with pastries and tea before either of them have even left the room. Around 11, Goshiki offers to drive him to the train station. 

Kimiko gives both of them tight hugs at the threshold of the modest house. 

“Have a safe trip home Kanji, we’ll be seeing you soon!” She squeezes his large frame with surprising strength. 

“Yes! Thank you for having me.” The two of them load up into the small sedan wordlessly. Goshiki pulls out of the driveway and into the street. 5 minutes down the road he breaks the peace and quiet. 

“You’re gonna be watching the game on Thursday, right?” Goshiki asks casually. 

“I wouldn’t miss it!” Koganegawa declares with a grin. Goshiki represses a small smile and keeps his eyes trained on the road.

“Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Upcoming: Kogane gets some help in getting ready for the wedding! The next chapter should be up by Monday I think? Also, I have this fic slotted in my head to have 10 chapters total including epilogue and prologue, which means this is exactly halfway through the main part of the story! Hope you all enjoy the next half ;)
> 
> -Grace


	6. All That a Stranger Would See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Koganegawa gets a little help in preparing for the big day...

<<< From: Kanji Koganegawa

12:46pm: TSUKKI!!! 

12:46pm: I need your help!!!

>>> From: Tsukki-dude

12:55pm: I forgot you had this number. 

<<< From: Kanji Koganegawa

12:56pm: I would never delete your number!!!

>>> From: Tsukki-dude

1:02pm: It’s a shame, really. 

1:05pm: What do you want?

<<< From: Kanji Koganegawa

1:07pm: How many cms taller than Yamaguchi are you?

>>> From: Tsukki-dude

1:20pm: How is that important?

<<< From: Kanji Koganegawa 

1:23pm: You mean you don’t know?

>>> From: Tsukki-dude

1:34pm: …

1:35pm: 10.1 cm.   
1:35pm: Why

<<< From: Kanji Koganegawa

1:36pm: Yamaguchi was telling me that you went to a wedding together.

1:36pm: He also said that you guys slow danced at the wedding. 

>>> From: Tsukki-dude

1:40pm: Is there a point to this conversation?

<<< From: Kanji Koganegawa

1:45pm: I’m getting there!!!

1:47pm: Anyways, I want you to teach me how to slow dance.

>>> From: Tsukki-dude

1:49pm: Can’t you ask anyone else? Why are you bothering me?

<<< From: Kanji Koganegawa

1:52pm: Cause you and Yamaguchi are 10.1 cm apart!!!

1:53pm: which is only 1.4 cm less than me and Goshiki

1:53pm: which is basically the same!!! 

>>> From: Tsukki-dude: 

2:10pm: …

2:11pm: This is ridiculous. Did you text me because of a height difference? And you and Goshiki? When did that happen?

2:11pm: You know what never mind I don’t care. 

2:12pm: Ask someone else.

…

<<< From: Koganegawa 

2:13pm: Hey Yamaguchi, I need a favor from Tsukki!! 

…

>>> From: Tsukki-dude

2:19pm: Tomorrow after practice, you have an hour. 

2:20pm: Low blow Koganegawa, low blow. 

<<< From: Kanji Koganegawa 

2:21pm: (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و

…

As practice carries on, Koganegawa tugs gently on Sakunami’s sleeve, dragging him off to the sidelines while the underclassmen run serving drills. 

“Sakunami-”

“What do you need?” Sakunami bluntly interrupts, his gaze fixed and focused.

“What makes you think I need a favor?” Sakunami drops his chin, looking up at Koganegawa through half-mast lids with a pout. 

“You don’t ever call me by my full name unless you want a favor.” 

“That’s not true… and why would I even do that?” Kogane reasons.

“You do it because I prefer that to all your stupid nicknames.” Sakunami flicks a rebel strand of his bangs from his face and crosses his arms in contempt. “And as much as it pains me to say you are a lot smarter than anyone gives you credit. Whatever you need, fine, yes I’ll do it.” 

“Really?” Koganegawa’s eyes light up in joy. He grabs Sakunami firmly by the shoulders. “Thanks ‘Nami, you’re the best! I just need you to lead the rest of practice.” 

“Mhm, hot date or what?” Sakunami begins walking towards the benches, Koganegawa in tow.

“It’s not a date!” Kogane stresses, already blushing at the accusation. 

“So, it has nothing to do with why you’ve been so goddamn hot and bothered lately?” Sakunami stops to glance back at him with a knowing glare. 

“H-hot and… no I haven’t, and I’m not!” A flush falls across Kogane’s face immediately, burning his tanned skin in bright pink. Sakunami turns on the heel to face him. 

“Koganegawa,” Sakunami gently places a hand on Kogane’s shoulder, “you’re wound so tight it's making _me_ feel pent up just looking at you. I don’t know what’s got your engines revved but whatever it is, just take care of it. It’s unsettling.” Koganegawa loses the ability to speak as Sakunami turns back around and saunters to the benches. 

“It- it’s not like that!” He shouts, chasing after him once more. Sakunami waves a limp hand in dismissal. 

“I don’t care what it is like. I don’t care if its ooey-gooey puppy love at first sight,” he coos mockingly, “whatever it is, just turn off your caveman brain and deal with it.” 

“Caveman brain?” Koganegawa huffs in defeat. 

“Don’t you have somewhere to be? Go on.” Sakunami shoos him. 

“Right, thanks Nami!” Sakunami hums in response and Kogane snatches his bag up from the bench before sprinting out of the gym. 

…

The short commute to Karasuno felt like ages. He continually checked his phone to make sure Tsukki wouldn’t cancel on him at the last minute. When he arrives at the Karasuno gymnasium, he can hear Coach Ukai wrapping up the practice. 

“Don’t forget to clean up in here when you leave,” Ukai warns, which cues the sounds of quickly shuffling feet across the waxed wood floors. Koganegawa gingerly peeks his head in the door, catching the eye of a small, orange-haired spiker almost immediately. 

“Kogane!” He shouts, calling the attention of the entire gym to the tall blonde peering into the gymnasium. He wishes Hinata wasn’t so perceptive, especially right now of all times. A few boys give him a confused smile and wave, the gaggle of curious first years stare at him with prying eyes until Yamaguchi waves them away. Tsukishima makes brief eye contact with him before turning back to his task, irritation tightening the ever-present purse in his lips. Hinata dashes across the gym to meet Koganegawa at the entrance. 

“Koganegawa, why are you here?” Hinata’s brow furrows in deep thought. “Are you here to spy on us?” 

“No, I’m here for…” Kogane glances up towards Tsukishima, who is not where he was a few seconds ago. 

“Koganegawa.” The voice comes from just behind Kogane’s ear. He flinches instinctively at the proximity of the voice. He turns to find Tsukishima with his bag over his shoulder standing in the doorway behind him. “Are you ready?” 

“Yeah!” 

“Your hour starts now.” Tsukki turns on heel begins walking away from the gym. 

“Oh okay! Bye Hinata!” Koganegawa waves furiously to the energetic redhead as he jogs to catch up to Tsukishima. Kogane falls into step next to him. “Where are we going?” 

“There’s an empty field behind the club room, no one will bother us there,” Tsukishima explains, keeping a quick pace, even for Koganegawa. They approach the aforementioned field, a small patch of green grass at the edge of the fence bordering the school. Tsukki sets his bag down on an aging picnic table. Koganegawa does the same, shifting his weight from one foot to the next anxiously as Tsukki slowly walks towards the open area of field. The blocker looks back at Koganegawa expectantly. 

“Well?” Kogane hurriedly walks out to meet him without uttering a word. Tsukki holds out his right hand wearily, which Koganegawa hesitantly takes. Tsukishima expertly pulls Koganegawa in towards him with a sickeningly fast tug of his hand. Koganegawa stumbles into his chest before straightening up. 

“Do you be on the top, or the bottom?” Tsukishima asks, maintaining his blank stare. Koganegawa grows red at the inquiry. 

“ _Isn’t that a personal question?_ ” Kogane whispers. Tsukki, realizing his mistake, shakes his head tiredly.

“No Kogane, not like _that_. Do you want to lead or follow? When you’re slow dancing the lead has their hand on the bottom,” Tsukki shifts his hand where the length of his fingers is parallel to the ground, with Kogane’s hand is wrapped around his thumb, fingers perpendicular to the ground, “and the person who isn’t the lead has their hand on top. The lead also keeps their other hand on the other’s waist, while the other keeps their hand on the lead’s shoulder. It helps the lead guide better.” Tsukki is surprisingly patient in his teaching, guiding Koganegawa’s hands to the right position with a rather delicate touch. 

“Which are you?” 

“The lead, obviously.” Tsukki scoffs. “Yamaguchi trips over his own shadow. But it depends. Given you came to me for help I’m assuming you want to make a lasting impression?” When Kogane doesn’t respond, Tsukki takes a deep breath. “I won’t teach you if you don’t cooperate Koganegawa.” He seethes. 

“Yes,” Koganegawa blurts out, “I want to make a lasting impression.” Tsukki nods curtly, moving his hand to Koganegawa’s shoulder and flipping their held hands so that Koganegawa supports his. 

“Then you lead.” Tsukishima kicks the inside of Koganegawa’s right foot. “Don’t be so heavy, you want to keep moving. Don’t keep your weight to just one foot.” Tsukki instructs. Even though Koganegawa is supposed to lead, Tsukki drags him around the field, giving him a constant stream of commands. 

Koganegawa is surprisingly light on his feet for being so large, Tsukishima realizes. It doesn’t, however, stop him from being any less clumsy. He has little ability to follow the rhythm of a song, and he has no clue what his next move is until he makes it. Instead of listening to Tsukishima’s teaching Kogane is too busy staring at the grass making sure he’s not tripping on uneven ground. 

“Koganegawa! Are you even listening to the song?” Tsukki sneers, bring the pair to an abrupt halt. 

“Uh… no.” Kogane admits sheepishly, finally meeting Tsukki’s eyes. Tsukki rolls his eyes motions for Koganegawa to take up the position once more. 

“Just… don’t think about the ground, don’t think about where you’re going, just think about how you’re going to get there. It’s,” The blocker wrinkles his nose in disgust, “…it’s not about the destination… it’s about the journey.” 

“Hey, that’s kinda deep Tsukki.” 

“Don’t mention it,” Tsukishima quips with a shiver, “seriously _don’t_ mention it.” Koganegawa nods as Tsukishima presses play on his phone. The music begins to play and Tsukishima brings his free hand up to lift Koganegawa’s chin once his eyes are reflexively cast downwards. 

“Where do you want to go?” Kogane blinks at the question. He glances behind the blocker to see a small patch of grass a little bit greener than the rest. 

“There.” Kogane points in the general direction. 

“Then take me there, Koganegawa.” Koganegawa begins to move, shuffling his feet awkwardly at first. He closes his eyes for a brief moment and listens intently to the slow, silky melody. He takes a step and another. Once he opens his eyes he finds the pair of them moving slowly but smoothly towards his designated location. Koganegawa decides he wants to come around the backside of the patch of grass. He does his best to step in tune with the sweet melody, but regardless, Koganegawa begins to be the one guiding Tsukishima’s hips, giving a gentle tug in his direction with each movement. It’s rocky, but its dancing at the very least, Tsukki realizes. Koganegawa brings them to rest at the patch of grass he had pointed out before.

“That was good!” Kogane cheers with a massive smile. 

“It was okay.” Tsukki concedes with a scowl. He stalks back to the picnic table, where Yamaguchi sits, legs crossed and arms in his lap. Koganegawa had been so wrapped up in his lesson he didn’t even notice him arrive. 

“Wait Tsukki! Where are you going?” Tsukki turns his head back to respond. 

“It’s been an hour. This lesson is over.” Koganegawa whines at this, following Tsukishima with a dropped head. 

“But Tsukki, I was just getting the hang of it!” Tsukishima doesn’t respond, he simply walks over to meet his boyfriend at the table. Yamaguchi greets him by pulling him down, gripping a fistful of his club jacket to do so. He plants a firm kiss on him before letting him go, which causes Tsukishima to tense up at first, but he easily melts under Yamaguchi’s touch. Tsukki doesn’t bother sitting, merely grabs his bag and stands expectantly by the table. 

“Kogane! How was the lesson?” Yamaguchi queries, reaching out to grab Tsukki’s nearby hand. Kogane comes to sit next to him on the concrete bench, and upon sitting finally realizes how tired he is. 

“Tsukki’s a really good teacher!” Kogane admits. “How is the rest of the team? Hinata? Kageyama?” Yams wrinkles his nose distastefully.

“They’re… okay. They’re both fine physically speaking but,” Yamaguchi sighs dramatically. “It’s so painfully obvious,” Yamaguchi gushes. “They’ve been pining after each other for 3 years. They are both so wound up all the time. Every time one of them is mentioned in the other’s presence they get all flustered and blushy. Some people can be so dense.” Yamaguchi sighs, resting his chin on his open palm. “Good thing I’ve got a few brain cells or else Tsukki and I would still be there too.” Yams playfully jabs Tsukishima in the stomach with his elbow. 

“Ow,” Tsukki grabs his side reflexively, scowling at his boyfriend. “And we would not be. I would never act like either of those coconut heads.” 

“You have, and you still would.” Yamaguchi accuses, poking a finger into Tsukki’s chest. Tsukishima turns away as a red blush creeps across his pale skin. “I hope they figure it out anyways. I mean I don’t see how they couldn’t. They practically wake up in each other’s arms whenever we’re at training camps.” Yamaguchi giggles at the thought of it. 

“They what?” Koganegawa’s mind is warped back to Saturday, and the feeling of waking up to Goshiki’s warmth clung to his side. 

“It’s kinda sweet actually, they just always end up crawling over to each other in their sleep. I’d think they did it consciously, but I doubt they’d have to guts.”

“You don’t think that’s just… coincidence? Maybe they’d do it to anyone?” Koganegawa reasons, fighting a creeping feeling of heat blooming across his chest. Yamaguchi considers this, rubbing circles over the back of Tsukishima’s hand. 

“I don’t think so, they never do it to anyone else.” Yamaguchi shrugs, not noticing the setter’s growing agitation. “Anyways, how did the lesson go?” 

“Fine.” Tsukishima provides. Koganegawa gives a tight nod in agreement. “Ready to go home?” Yamaguchi nods, rising from his seat. He gives a final wave to Koganegawa before the pair departs. 

“Get home safe Koganegawa it was nice to see you!” Kogane nods with a smile, waving enthusiastically back. 

“I’ll be seeing you tomorrow,” Tsukki calls over his shoulder.

“Tomorrow?” Tsukishima glances back briefly, his glasses perched precariously on the tip of his nose. 

“Yes, for our next lesson. You need it.” He turns back and the couple continues their path home. Koganegawa can’t help but thrust a triumphant fist into the air, he will make the best lasting impression. 

…

Tsukishima gives Koganegawa a total of 4 lessons over this week and the next. Each provides a significant improvement, and although you can’t create rhythm out of thin air and 4 hours of lessons, Koganegawa could decently lead a slow dance. After their final lesson, with the two of them sitting on the bench a few feet apart in silence, Koganegawa dares to ask the question plaguing his mind. 

“Why are you helping me so much, Tsukki?” Koganegawa asks quietly. Tsukki takes a small sip from his water bottle, pausing for a bit of respite to consider his answer. 

“I remember when I was learning to dance,” Tsukishima begins. His face contorts with effort like his body is bullying the words to stay in his mouth. “I wanted to impress Tadashi… I wasn’t _as_ clumsy as you, but I wasn’t a natural either. I remember the feeling he gave me in my chest… I just wanted to make him in awe of me as much as I was of him.” Tsukki trails off. The pale pink blush dusts the tops of his cheeks as he becomes wrapped up in the memory. When Tsukki remembers the tall setter sitting next to him, eyeing him with a smirk he turns from pink to crimson and turns his face quickly away. After a moment to gain his composure, Tsukishima faces Koganegawa with an expectant look. “ _It was also when he confessed to me_.” Koganegawa freezes under his pointed gaze. Tsukki trains his eyes back on the horizon, watching the sunlight wink out behind the hills. Kogane takes a long sip from his water bottle. “Are you planning to confess to Goshiki then?” Koganegawa chokes on his mouthful of water, sputtering and coughing into the grass loudly. 

“What?” Kogane coughs out, tears brimming at the corners of his eyes. 

“Aren’t you going to confess to Goshiki?” Tsukishima remains straight-faced, even watching Koganegawa’s struggle to expel the water from his lungs. “It’s obvious you like him. Why else would you drag yourself here?”

“Confess? I don’t feel that way,” with a narrow glare from Tsukishima, Koganegawa sighs. “ _He_ doesn’t feel that way.” Dejected, Kogane’s shoulders slump over. 

“Are you sure?” Kogane glances up past heavy lids to see Tsukishima staring back with a strangely intense look in his eyes. 

“I mean-”

“You don’t know unless you try,” Tsukki declares through narrowed eyes, but soon his expression softens. “If Tadashi hadn’t confessed when he did,” Tsukki glances off into the sky, stars beginning to blink into existence, “I’m not sure I would have kept trying. You only have so much pining you can do before it begins to eat away at you.” Tsukki points out. He takes a final swig from his water bottle before standing up to grab his bag. “I don’t want you to fall into the same hole I was in for a very long time. I don’t know Goshiki, but if he isn’t as brave and Tadashi then this will have all been for nothing.” Tsukki pauses once more, letting the warning soak in and send shivers down Koganegawa’s spine. “You know where you want to go, Koganegawa. How are you going to get there?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tsukki the matchmaker doing the lord's work here😔✊. aNYWAYs, next chapter the wedding begins I'm so excited to write it, it will be a good gay time :). 
> 
> -Grace


	7. From Friends to This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wedding part one :)) the way I STRUGGLED writing this... I did not intend for it to take over a week to write a chapter I already had planned out, but here we are.

In the two weeks leading up to the fated Saturday, life passed with little event. School days passed in unremarkable blurs, practices were as they had always been. Goshiki texted Koganegawa like he always had. They sat in their respective rooms a train ride away and chattered about whatever pro games were on television that Thursday. It was mundane, regular even. It was so routine that no one seemed to notice the purpling bags gathering underneath Tsutomu’s eyes. No one questioned the inch or so inaccuracy of his vicious spikes. No one wondered why he was moving at a half step’s pace behind everyone else around him. 

Tsutomu was exhausted. For 2 weeks, he seldom slept. Goshiki would recklessly twist and contort in his now-massive bed. He was sure that from down the hall it sounded like he was rearranging the furniture, which he considered at one point to somehow find some solace in his turbulent mind. For the past 2 weeks, he’d been completely enveloped by feelings he couldn’t control.

In whatever fitful stretches of unsatisfying sleep he managed to find, he dreamt of the sensation of Kogane’s hand so wholly enveloping his own. If he truly let his mind fantasize, he would wonder what it would taste like to be locked between Koganegawa’s lips. Forced into the deepest recesses of his psyche, he imagined that Koganegawa tasted like well-marinated olive brine, full-bodied and bitter. Of course, these were nothing but whispers in his subconscious, but they still haunted his fever-ridden, restless sleep. In the past 2 weeks, he would wake up with his lungs in his throat, the imagined taste of Koganegawa lingering on his tongue. 

On the dreaded day of his sister’s, Azumi’s, wedding, the feelings still pull taunt puppet strings on his insides, jerking his guts whichever way the mysterious master decides. A gentle rap on his door brings his glance towards it. 

“Tsutomu?” a sweetly feminine voice trills from the other side. 

Azumi. Goshiki scrambles out of bed, tumbling over the twisted sheets to pull the door open. To his relief, Azumi greets him with a sly smile. Goshiki always thought she had secrets at the corners of her lips with the way she smiled, and usually, she did. Goshiki Azumi saw things no one else could perceive through untrained eyes.

“Azumi!” Tsutomu cries, unable to resist the joy bursting in his chest. He wraps his long arms around her torso, and with a melodic giggle, she returns the embrace. The dark-haired captain relishes in the reality of her standing before him. He’d wondered if she was just the consequence of his fried brain imaging things he couldn’t have. 

“Tsutomu, I didn’t think you’d be this excited to me.” Azumi murmurs into his armpit. Goshiki buries his face into their mother’s same dark curls. Azumi rarely came home to Sendai. While her budding law career made her the beacon of success in their neighborhood, it also meant growing beyond what Sendai could contain. Her current practice in Tokyo kept her just outside of arm’s length, making visits few and far between. 

Goshiki can’t, or more accurately doesn’t want, to find the words to express why his sister’s arrival is so timely. No matter how tangled the issue, Azumi has a true talent for seeing things without all the messy complications. 

“I just missed you,” Goshiki admits in an exhale. “I’m glad you’re here.” He’s too enveloped in the embrace to catch the nervous hitch in her voice.

“I’m glad I came when I did.” 

…

The morning brings no event, well at least for Goshiki. Kimiko is easily swayed by any minor incident. So much as a change in temperature by a single degree would catch her attention with a curiously furrowed brow. It wore Goshiki out to watch his mother pick and prod at every small detail. Reversely, Azumi remained remarkably serene. In mid-morning, she lays back on the aging couch, her mother’s dark curls spanning a dark halo around her head. She exhales a long, arduous breath into the humid living room. Approaching the middle of July, the Sendai heat is nearly unbearable. Why she chose to hold her sacred day in the middle of it all, Goshiki cannot fathom. 

“Tsutomu,” Azumi calls, her voice breathy and light. Goshiki peels his eyes away from the freckled ceiling he had been fixated on. 

“Hm?” Goshiki hums, irritated at the interruption to his contemplation about what had freckled their beige ceiling. 

“Are you excited about tonight?” Goshiki shrugs. In truth, tonight has been all he can think about. Staring at the ceiling had been the only pass time to halt the incessant reel of sensational memories. When lets them loose for long enough he can feel the warmth of Kogane’s palm pressed into his. 

“Sure.” The younger brother provides. 

“ _Sure_ ,” Azumi mocks, meanly poking her tongue out. “I don’t care what you think of my wedding,” she swings her long limbs over to sit facing him. Azumi lazily rests her chin on her palm, and with a smirk drawls, “Aren’t you excited to have such a romantic night?” 

It’s truly all Goshiki can endure just to keep his composure. A dust of red lights up his cheeks and ears as he leans back in his chair, crossing his arms defensively over his chest. 

“Don’t you have a wedding to worry about?” Goshiki snaps, “one you still haven’t started getting ready for?” With a pout, Azumi flops back onto the couch with a dull _thump_. 

“What’s there left to do? I’ve done everything up until now,” she closes her eyes contently, “I’m going to leave today up to the fates.” 

”And by fates you mean mom?” 

“ _Tom-ay-to, to-mah-to_ ,” Azumi winks one eye open to grab her paper fan from the coffee table and fans herself with soft bursts of balmy air. “And I don’t want to spend all day getting ready. If today is supposedly all about me, then what I want is to relax.” Azumi murmurs flicking back a single sweat-slicked strand of hair from her face. 

“Fine,” Goshiki settles deeper into the cushioned chair and resumes his inspection. 

…

“One ticket to Sendai, please!” The ticket booth worker grabs the cash laid out on the counter before sliding the setter a ticket in return, and Koganegawa flashes a grin through the yellowing Plexiglas. He holds the ticket in front of his face ceremoniously as if it’s made of solid gold. Kogane might jokingly say that it was if he wasn’t too preoccupied vibrating with anticipation. The setter clutches the garment bag to his chest tightly with one arm and maintains a deathly grip on his ticket with his free hand. 

Brimming with courage, he marches to the platform, eagerly sticking his neck out to look down the track. To his dismay the train is not yet appearing from the horizon, and with dejected exhale he leans back onto one of the metal beams supporting the shelter overhead. Kogane retrieves his phone from his back pocket, opening his texts just to look once more at the promise he made. 

<<< From: Kanji Koganegawa

10:24pm: TSUKKI

10:24pm: I know what you meant!! When you said I needed to find out how I was going to get where I wanted!!!!

10:25pm: I’m gonna confess

>>> From: Tsukki-dude

10:26pm: Do what you want, makes no difference to me

10:27pm: but…

10:30pm: good luck 

_Good luck_. 

Tsukishima might have assumed Kogane’s text was just another instance of him oversharing things that were none of Tsukki’s business in the first place. Yet, staring at last night’s conversation, Kanji felt like it was a promise. Putting it into words, saying it to someone real, someone who would undoubtedly remember, bolsters Kogane’s soaring confidence. 

Maybe it’s because he hasn’t had to actually face Goshiki, it would be admittedly easier to be able to confess without Goshiki examining Kogane’s every move and reaction. If Goshiki rejected him, he could just hang up or flush his phone down the toilet and pretend it never happened. Looking him in the eye and seeing the disallowance take form in a scowl, was something Koganegawa had tried desperately not to think about as he fidgeted around in his creaking bed all night long. 

The doubts still creep in, but with that little promise, with the wish of goodwill, it vanishes. 

Drawn out of his own thoughts, the train whistle sounds, followed by a rush of hot air blowing his blonde hair against the side of his face. Kogane bats it away before eagerly jogging to the still-closed door. A few people disembark and he’s able to slip inside. The train slowly pulls out of the station with a lazy heave, and the workers begin to peruse the train for tickets to punch. Still holding his suit tightly to his chest, one hand holding firm to an overhead bar for stability, he steals a final glance at the text. 

_Good luck_. 

…

Around 1 in the afternoon, when Kimiko has finally bothered Azumi enough times to start getting ready, Goshiki’s attention is drawn from the beach volleyball game running on the television by a knock at the door. When it wasn’t Japanese pro games, Goshiki will watch any and all volleyball matches he possibly can. He believes it acts as a sort of exposure therapy, but his mom knows that volleyball takes up so much of his life it's practically become a personality trait. She can’t imagine him watching much else in his precious free time. 

Goshiki takes his time crossing the living room to answer the door. He briefly hesitates before quickly swinging open the door. Hand extended in preparation for a second knock, Koganegawa reels back in surprise. 

“Goshi Goshi!” Kogane greets with a full-face smile. 

“Hey Kogane,” Goshiki steps aside to let him inside. 

“You’re watching?” Koganegawa asks excitedly, neck craning to see the match with stars in his eyes. 

“Yeah, uh, do you wanna watch?” 

…

For the next few hours, stopping only to aide Goshiki’s frantic mother in whatever task that hour demanded, the pair cozied up on the couch, shoulder to shoulder. To Koganegawa it was a glimpse into what he had dreamt of. The two of them tangled into a pile doing what they did on their own time miles apart anyways. Their own kind of routine, together. It wasn’t quite the domestic moment Koganegawa had envisioned, but he couldn’t fight the warmth spread over his chest when Goshiki takes his hand into his once more, his mother finally settled down for a bit of respite. 

The strangest thing about having their hands intertwined between them is that it isn’t strange at all. Goshiki isn’t thinking about whether or not his mother believes the ruse, in fact, he doesn’t think anything at all. Kogane’s hand is just, _there_. All his nights of wishing he could be where he is right now and there’s no starburst of euphoria or sigh of release, it’s not special at all. It feels so routine so _right_. 

With his mother there, it was an excuse to satisfy the gnawing emptiness around his hand he’d been feeling for 2 weeks. Once she gets up to find another task to fuss over, he doesn’t pull away at first. Goshiki can feel Koganegawa cast sidelong glances at their hands resting on Goshiki’s knee. Instinctively, Goshiki swiftly pulls his hand from Kogane’s loose grasp, bringing it to fold both his hands in his lap. 

The clock idly turns, and before either of them know it, Kimiko is standing behind the couch holding two garment bags in the air. 

“You two, go get ready.” With mutual groans, they accept their suits. Kimiko hurries back into the kitchen, the hazy mist from the steamer starting to leak into the rest of the house. 

Once in the confines of his bedroom, Goshiki hurries into the bathroom, only turning to offer, “You can change in the bedroom.” Koganegawa nods, carefully unzipping the bag as Goshiki hastily locks the bathroom stall. 

Fully dressed, Goshiki examines himself in the freckled bathroom mirror. Handsome? Enough. He couldn’t help but admire the allure of a tuxedo, embarrassingly flashing a winning smile for himself to laud over. After a minute or so of this, he knocks on the inside of the bathroom door. 

“Kogane, are you dressed?” 

“Yeah! Come out.” Only partially lying, Koganegawa is dressed in his slacks and shirt, tie loose around his neck. 

“I thought you said you were dressed,” Goshiki observes, pointing to the dangling tie. Koganegawa holds the ends up helplessly. 

“Can you tie it?” Images of himself tucked into Koganegawa’s chest come flashing into his mind from a few weeks ago. 

“No, but my mom can, let’s go.” Koganegawa grabs his jacket from the bed, followed closely by Goshiki trying not to trip over his own shadow. Goshiki shuts the door carefully behind him, head sick with motion. 

_What is happening to me?_

…

The venue is a serene garden in the heart of Sendai. Speckled with cherry blossoms and weeping willows. The altar is centered underneath a massive willow, its dangling branches shifting and billowing in wafts of cool wind. With the sun’s descent painting hues of pink and yellow across a baby blue sky, the entire garden is cast in warm light. It’s beautiful and fleeting. Goshiki can see why his mother was so wound up about time constraints as the sun quickly crawls down towards the horizon. 

“Kanji,” Kimiko calls, giving her best attempt to remain relaxed, “the seating area is around that way,” she points towards a small burgundy painted wooden bridge towards the rows of chairs in the distance. With a nod, the anticipation rising up in his chest, Koganegawa leans in to press a hurried and soft kiss to Goshiki’s forehead. Too shocked to react, Goshiki freezes in his feet and lets him. 

“I’ll see you later,” Kogane calls out, marching determinedly to the seating area, able to hide his blooming blush from a distance. 

It’s too late for Goshiki to process as his mother is dragging him by the arm in another direction.  
She leads him around the side of the ceremony space, behind a small grove of trees to hide them from view. Upon spotting Azumi, Kimiko immediately begins fussing over her, pulling at stray hairs and picking stray grass from the train of her dress. 

“Tsutomu, yes?” A woman in a sleek green pantsuit inquires, finger hovering over a notepad. 

“Yes.” She nods.

“Excellent, all you have to do is…” Goshiki processes the instructions at a 10-second delay, devoted an embarrassing amount of his brainpower to replaying the passing, casual forehead kiss over and over in his head. 

“Got it?” He nods stiffly, certain he’s going to implode if he dares to speak. “Great, everyone line up, it’s time!” Goshiki, a dizzy step behind the other bridal party members eventually finds his place next to a bridesmaid he semi-recognizes from an array of pictures Azumi had posted online at one point or another. 

Goshiki links his shaking arm with the girl, whose name he never even bothered to learn. On her cue, the pair begin shuffling across the garden, coming into view of the attendees. Goshiki keeps his clammy palm placed firmly on her forearm, eyes fixed to the horizon. He considers looking into the crowd, but the risk of finding Koganegawa instead is too great. The eyes of the attendees feel light in comparison to the burning heat in his cheeks at the thought of one pair of eyes looking on. 

At the altar, the bridesmaid slides her arm out of his to take her place off to the side. Goshiki hesitates a second to make sure he won’t crumble on wobbly legs before taking slow, calculated steps towards his place next to another groomsman. Goshiki holds his quivering hands in a white-knuckle grip behind his back. The procession follows, and when the music swells everyone rises to their feet. 

Azumi stands at the end of the aisle, the radiant bloom of pink sunset collecting in a burst of brilliant light around her. She clutches Kimiko’s hand tightly with one hand and grips her bouquet firmly with the other. Onlookers might surmise that the bride was nervous, but the buzzing, electric aura around her is telltale of her certainty. It makes Goshiki release a tiny breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. Azumi is so sure of her decision she is practically vibrating with certitude. 

If that doesn’t assure him, the smile so sweet it could rot your teeth just looking at it directed at her finance does. With a swift kiss on the cheek and a carefully placed whisper, Kimiko lets her daughter go, her hand hanging in the limbo where Azumi’s used to be for a moment longer.

The ceremony proceeds similarly to how Goshiki had expected it would. There’s lots of ritual to it that he doesn’t quite understand, but he’s not sure anyone does. The only thing Goshiki can tell is that the couple appears to be in bliss whatever they’re doing. With the focus on the bride and groom, Goshiki hoped the strings pulling shoulders stock straight would give. To his dismay, the lines did not go slack, not while Koganegawa’s heated gaze remained unwavering. 

Towards the end of the ceremony, Goshiki can feel his resolve crumbling. There are only so many places to stare while keeping Koganegawa outside of his line of vision, and no matter how determined Goshiki is to hold focus he can’t help but feel the omnipresent tug. The strings pull harder and harder, so violently Goshiki feels the skin leave his face when he tips his chin up towards the crowd.

Goshiki doesn’t have to look for Koganegawa. In the instant he dares to glance up, he already knows where he is. Even more terrifying is Koganegawa looking fixedly back at him, a strange twist of emotions playing out on his face. Suddenly he looks like a stranger, in the sense that seeing him now feels like such a whole picture of Koganegawa that everything Goshiki has known before looks so minuscule in comparison. The awe of _seeing_ him for the first time jerks his guts up towards his throat, involuntarily sucking in air with a sharp gasp. 

Koganegawa can feel it too, the longing to explore worlds unknown. He’d always known Goshiki, but the fear of stepping into territory he wasn’t welcome always curbed his advances. 

Goshiki can’t pin the expression down, but in the center of himself, he can _feel_ it. It’s an expression of desire, of want. Goshiki always knew Koganegawa viewed the world from behind a window, forehead eagerly pressed to the glass. Yet he’s not watching the world with childlike wonder, but absolutely itching to be in it. For once, the window vanishes, and Kanji is experiencing the world he could only look at. Goshiki wants to know more, to know everything. He wants to fill in the blank spaces with meaningless, intimate knowledge shared between them, to etch them in with the finest detail.

The realization brings his heart rate tumbling down, so low he fears it's stopped completely. With a maddeningly slow and heavy single beat, Goshiki is certain his heart is there bleeding in his hand for Kogane to see, humiliatingly exposed.

_I like him_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goshiki is a late bloomer... and a bit dumb but he got there. Next time, wedding part two, and Kogane's dance lessons might or might not pay off! Thanks to everyone here on AO3 and everywhere else who have given me such kind words and continue reading it means the most to me :))


End file.
